5 Ways to Overcome The Inadequacies of Fatherhood

Fatherhood is a serious matter – a complicated one at that.  It’s not easy being a dad in this 21st century.  Making babies is easy – fathering them is a whole other ballgame altogether, isn’t it?

Becoming a father scared the zits out of me.  Boy was I scared to be a dad.  I loved the idea of having a family and looked forward to it.  Being a dad, though it excited me, yet, it terrified me.

You see, I was raised without a dad.  My father died when I was 4 years old.  Fatherhood was not exemplified in my home or in my life at all.  So I never learned how to do that. 

I would see other families at church in my teenage years who I wanted to model after.  I didn’t know them personally well, but I knew that I wanted what they had.

When my wife and I were expecting our first child, I prayed hard because I was scared.  I was even scared of holding my first baby – afraid I’d break her.  Thanks to my wife I managed to overcome that fear very quickly.  Eventually, changing a dirty diaper also became a manageable task.

With God’s love all fear is removed (1 John 4:18).  So put on love.

3.    Be sure to let your wife be instrumental in your skills
My wife determined, from day one, that she would respect, honor and give me my position and authority as husband and father.  She always backs me up when a decision is made for all four or for just one of our kids.

She never undermines my authority or challenges my decisions – especially in front of our kids.   As a great mom that she is, yet even when I fall short on my calling as a dad, she still finds a way to help me see it very gracefully and fix it permanently.


4.    Spend time with your kids
Most of the time dad is working as the (often) breadwinner.  But spending time with your kids is not just watching TV, or going to their baseball games (which is all good).  One of the ways I spend time with my kids is by getting them involved in what I’m doing - not always, but much of the time.   

This teaches them that often times we need each other to get the job done.  As a father, to be in need of their assistance creates in them a sense of worth that nothing else could ever do.

I am what you’d call a “Jack of all trades – master of none.”  So when I’m working on a car, the house, the mower, or building something – one or two of my kids are often with me.  Oh they don’t want to get their hands dirty (for the most part), but once is all said and done, the job was done by both of us not just me. 

In addition, they learned a new skill creating a greater sense of self-worth.  So mom’s hero is not just her husband, but also her boys as well. 

With my daughter we’ve done similar things.  I’ve gotten involved in her business development; schooling and helping her understand her friends, and her music skills. 

Getting involved in your children’s lives while praying, trusting and relying on God’s grace, Fathers can become their children’s hero. [Click to Tweet]   The time will come when one day, while on a TV interview, your sports star child will say more than just “hi mom.”  He’ll say: “Hi mom and dad!  You’re both my heroes.” 

Our inadequacies often fade into the realm of the past as we face them and work on them by receiving love for our heavenly Father and by giving of that same love to our children.  God has equipped fathers to be fathers; it is up to us to put him where he belongs and our trust where it belongs.

Question:  How have you overcome some of your inadequacies or fears of fatherhood?  Share to make this post better.

Now, here’s a reality: regardless of how “macho” fathers might think they are, they’re always afraid to be the kind of dad their kids truly need.  They are afraid of failing at providing, managing, correcting and of possibly flying off the handle. 

There are many inadequacies in us that often lead us to mishandle the responsibility properly.  But there are ways to overcome these and succeed at the most important job, career, responsibility and calling we have as Fathers, and you must be intentional in your fatherhood, as Jackie Bledsoe said it so well. I want to share with you 5 ways to overcome the inadequacies of fatherhood.


1.    Defeat fear
You must remember that fear is the expectation of a negative possibility – not the reality or a fact.  In other words, fear always comes by way of what “could happen” not what “has happened.” 

You can’t dwell on the fear of failing or correcting your child properly when the time comes.  Instead, you must be confident that you can do it and do it right!  However, defeating the fear of failure is not as easy as thinking positively – that would be an illusion.  The way to deal with those insecurities and inadequacies is to be able to receive and rely on the greatest love we could ever receive – the love from Father God.  With God’s love all fear is removed (1 John 4:18).  So put on love.


2.    Trust and rely on God’s grace 
Once you’re vested with God’s love, then trust him and rely on his grace to help you implement his fatherhood in your own children.  I could not father my kids for nothing.  But when I began to apply these principles, I have grown more confident in my parenting skills.  My wife helps me a lot too, which leads me to my next point.