A couple of weeks ago I visited a church and while at the lobby we met the Pastor and shook hands and chatted for a few minutes.
During our casual conversation I learned a real truth regarding marriage. He said: "Marriage is not for you to be happy, it's for you to be holy, cause it will pull the crap out of you." I love simple, down to earth biblical truth, don’t you? LOL
Communication in a marriage relationship is one of those things that we can read about, be counseled about and still have to learn to communicate with each other.
The reason for this is that we are all different and to our amazement, our spouses don’t seem to communicate like everybody else at work or church. Have you noticed that? I’m sure you know what I mean.
We all want to be happy in our marriage, no doubt about it, but I’ve learned that happiness comes from positive results that have been worked out through difficult times.
One of the best things we can do, as husband and wife, is to embrace our differences, shortcomings and such, in order to work through them expecting positive results in the end.
"Marriage is not for you to be happy, it's for you to be holy, cause it will pull the crap out of you." - Dave Gross Click to Tweet
Problems and differences in a marriage are not dangerous; it's the inability to communicate about those differences, or problem areas that is dangerous. As long as two people can keep the lines of communication open and can freely express their feelings, differences can be resolved.
The Bible teaches that we should speak "the truth in love" (Ephesians 4:15). It’s important to bear in mind, however, that the more truth you speak, the more love you should use in conveying that truth, because truth is a sharp, two-edged sword.
In other words, use it carefully or you will end up cutting your spouse.
For example, I remember a time or two, or three or four, (you get my drift) when my analytically perfectionist personality had taken over attempting to communicate a truth with my wife regarding something she needed to deal with.
Though my points were correct, yet they were more abrupt than loving. The end result was unnecessary pain.
Had I kept in mind that the reasoning for my conversation was out of love and not out of simply resolving an issue then things would’ve gone over much better – every time.
Thankfully, I’ve learned better.
There are two golden expressions that every married person should communicate to his or her partner repeatedly throughout the marriage.
Here are the 2 Simple Golden Expressions Of Communication In A Marriage
Oh they’re simple, yet often hard to express.
1. I'm sorry.
Everyone makes mistakes. Romans 3:23 points out that "all have sinned; all fail short of God's glorious standard." You will sin against your spouse and your spouse will sin against you repeatedly in a normal marriage. It’s just the way it is.
For example, early on in our marriage, I had this idea that as long as I was right, even you got hurt by my truth, it was for you to deal with it, not me. After all, it wasn’t my fault.
So apologizing was way on the bottom of my list when it came to golden expressions of communication in marriage. Here again, I’ve learned better.
If you’re willing to face your mistakes and apologize to your spouse, you’ll find that resistance dissolves and a spirit of forgiveness prevails.
When the words “I’m sorry” are uttered regularly in a marriage relationship – and meaning it – it carries a lot of weight resulting in positive results.
2. I love you.
These three simple words are the second golden expression of communication in a marriage.
I’ve already pointed out that it is absolutely necessary for every human being to be loved. Your spouse will never get tired of hearing you tell him or her “I love you”.
Say it meaningfully and say it often. Regardless if it’s his/her love language or not, these words penetrate the heart of any and every individual.
I was raised differently. I used to think that having to tell my wife “I love you” every day was a sign of insecurity in my love for her.
After two months into our marriage and not uttering such golden expression regularly, she asked me the most shocking question she’s ever asked me during dinner time. She said: “Honey do you love me anymore?”
After my shock and probably food falling out of my mouth I said: “What? Of course I love you!” As you can imagine the conversation continued. She was confused and so was I.
Later on, we learned about The 5 Love Languages of Marriage by Gary Chapman. After reading that book, our marriage was changed. We learned to speak to each other.
Amazingly enough, after 29 years of marriage we both speak each other’s language in similar ways. In other words, if a day goes by and she forgets to tell me “I love you” I miss it a lot.
At first I thought it was weird, but then I learned that I had grown to speak the same language she speaks.
Using these 2 Simple Golden Expressions Of Communication In A Marriage will set you up for success in the way your marriage experiences communication.
Communication could be challenging in a marriage relationship. But it doesn't have to be negative.
We’re all different and we all continue to change as time goes on. Learning to communicate effectively in a marriage is like trying to understand technology these days where every month something new comes up or a system operates differently.
It’s a constant growing process. Yet, “I’m sorry” and “I love you” never gets old, and always encourages us to grow up and move forward.
I wonder if you dare to share below an experience in your marriage regarding these 2 simple golden expressions of communication in a marriage. I’d love to hear it.