Today’s families face a frantic situation. The statistics are staggering and the deterioration of our families is devastating.
Let me give you just one aspect of what I’m trying to say: Sixty percent of all the children born in your community today will spend at least part of their first 18 years without a father in their lives.
Now think about that for a minute. That statistic alone is alarming, and I wish that was the only problem – but there’s more.
Fathers play a significant role in cultivating social-emotional, cognitive, language, and motor development in the lives of their children. Research shows that fathers strengthen development when they take an active role early and often in the lives of their children.
Furthermore, the overall, love or rejection of mothers and fathers equally affects kid’s behavior, self-esteem, emotional stability and mental health.
However, the reality is that too many men who remain with their families are passive, disengaged, and uninvolved. [Twee This] There are many reasons for this, but we won’t focus on that or else this article will turn into a book.
Suffice it to say – we’re too busy with other things that take precedence over our families.
This ought not to be. But can it be fixed?
As a result, many young men do not know what it means to be a man. Many young ladies never learn what it means to be a real woman of dignity, as found in Proverbs 31.
Boys and Girls often experience neither a father’s discipline nor his tender care and nurture. They have no role model of what a real man does, how he acts and how he relates to the opposite sex – other than the “superstars on TV.”
I understand this position from both, a father’s point of view as well as a son’s point of view. I was raised without a father – he died when I was 4. I know what my mother went through to keep us 3 kids going.
I remember how Mom initiated for other men to be around us boys, they were my grandfather and uncles. They were our role models. Later on in life I looked for other men mentors to help me in this thing called life – but it was a chore finding one or two.
This is why I try to teach my boys by word an deed how to be real men. They won't learn it anywhere else - it's my responsibility.
I often fail in this area. I'm busy just like anyone else, but I have to refocus and reschedule my life by trying to get them involved in things I do around the house, the car, and other things that they could help me with - so they can learn.
Sometimes my wife and I would disagree in front of them so they learn how to handle a moment of disagreement without a fight - treating the other party with respect even if you disagree. It's not easy, but it's very rewarding.
Being a father is not easy – I know. But raising kids without the influence, the love, the care, and the mentoring of a father is much worse for their lives, their future and their communities.
We see men that do not know how to treat their wives with respect and dignity because they were not taught by their fathers. Then we see the cycle start all over again in the next generation – but worse.
Having kids is one thing – that’s the easy part. Being a father is another thing altogether.
I’m not trying to harp on men, but I know that there is a need in our society for real men to be men. For those of us who are – we have something to share, something to say, and something to demonstrate.
Frankly, those of us in the Christian community need to begin to demonstrate real fatherhood to our children and also become a positive influence to our children’s friends.
We have the truth, but we’ve been far too quiet. We haven’t equipped men or women to understand how God designed the sexes to function and complete one another. The outcome is what we see today of the breakdown of the family unit – and the breaking down of the authenticity and identity of the individual.
We’ve not countered the feminist who have completely redefined the role of women, and emasculated men in the process.
So let me recommend 6 aspects of paternal leadership you can do to demonstrate and influence your boys become real men.
As a father, ask God to help you be a real man in the biblical sense – a man who humbly and sacrificially leads and loves your family, selflessly.
2. Shape your own definition and conviction of what a real man is – not according to your culture but according to biblical standards, regardless of your current culture.
Your life and standards will influence the culture in your home, and in your circle of influence. Remember, you are constantly influencing somebody.
Boys and Girls are looking for role models – it might as well be somebody with biblical values and standards (a virtue that is losing ground very rapidly in our society today)
3. Provide your sons and daughters with a clear understanding of their sexual identity.
Talk to them. This is more than sex education.
As parents we need to train our children about the authenticity and responsibilities of men and women and how they are to relate to one another. Help them become men and women of honor.
Take some time to rough house with your boys and play gentle games with your daughters. According to research, this helps them not only build a strong and fun relationship with their Dad, but also learn how to deal with their competitive spirit and manage their aggressive emotional impulses.
5. Teach them leadership and the respect of leadership.
This is not only taught, it’s also caught. So teach it and demonstrate it in the home. Leadership and the respect of it is a lost characteristic of our younger generation. If they don't learn to respect others they will eventually be starving for respect themselves.
6. Give them purpose.
Give them enough responsibilities to reveal to them, not only their need to learn how to do things, but also how important they are in the home.
Make them part of the family team – not part of the house. It’s good for them to realize that the home runs more smoothly when they are involved with chores, some decisions, and interaction.
Being a father is not easy – being a kid and a teen in this day and age is even harder. So make it easier on them by teaching and showing them what a real man is.
For more information on this topic you can read the book of Proverbs in the Bible. It deals with a wealth of biblical practical information about parenthood.
This is part of the reason why I have put together a free course on 4 Simple Steps To Lead Your Family With Vision. This course provides the outline that my wife and I have used for over 15 years in crafting our family vision – giving our marriage and our family the direction it needs to succeed in life.
I encourage you to download it and perhaps share it with others.
Question: What else could you add to this list to help us provide paternal leadership to impact our boys be real men?