5 simple ways for married adult couples to put away childish things
You’ve heard the saying: “boys will be boys.” Parents will often say: “kids will always be kids” and that’s true. We can’t expect kids to behave like adults, can we?
However, when the kids grow up and become teens, we then expect them to behave like teens. When they become adults (whenever that is, these day) we expect them to become adults.
Are you with me?
The great Apostle Paul knew that kids would be kids. He also knew that children would behave childishly. He pointed out that, as we grow up, we must set aside childish/kid behavior and become more mature.
In 1Corinthians 13:11 he penned: “When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.”
Children are by nature petty, hurtful, and faultfinding in their relationships.
They speak rashly, rudely and selfishly, with little to no concern for how their words will affect their parents and others.
You may call that “brutally honest,” but others will call it rude.
The truth is, when that same behavior is practiced by an adult, it is not longer “brutally honest", it’s just plain rude.
Children (including teens) think life revolves around them. They’re self-righteous and think they’re always right and that others are at fault, even when the evidence declares them as the guilty one.
An example would be when the kid comes to the living room with chocolate on their face, or cookie dough in their teeth – clear evidence that he’d been into the cookie jar. Evidence or not, he insists that he was not guilty. In fact, he blames his own brother or sister in the process.
Parents often face such tests in teaching their kids to tell the truth – for the child to gain an understanding that they have the ability to be straightforward and honest.
We tell our kids, “it’s time to grow up, buddy!
But when they grow up, all that goes away – aahhh!! Or does it?
Hey this is not a post about how bad or awful kids are. Actually, when you think about it, do you, as a parent, remember the day when you had a similar experience, corrected your child alongside your spouse, made a big and serious deal out of it, as if it was a life or death situation causing the child to feel like a murderer or something?
Remember how quick they learned their lesson? Only for you and your spouse to run to the bedroom, close the door and laugh hysterically - at how silly and funny your kid was?
But you still had to bring correction, otherwise you knew it would get worse and things would go downhill from there if you didn’t put a stop to it and teach them the principles of honestly and humility.
So this is not about dealing with our kids’ issues. This post is not about your kids, rather, it’s about you and your spouse.
Some of the unhappiest husband-wife relationships are those in which one or both haven’t truly fully grown up. They still act petty, hurtful and fault finding.
They still speak rashly and rudely, with little regard for how their words may hurt each other.
They still think life revolves around them, and often have trouble taking responsibility for their actions and choices, especially when they’re plain wrong. They blame, ridicule and find ways to get even because life is just “not fair” and that’s just the way it has to be.
Truth is – they still haven’t grown up.
They speak, think and reason as children.
Over the years, I’ve witnessed this in various counseling sessions, conversations and even in my own life. There comes a time when we must realize that if we want to be men or women of God, we must grow up!
As Paul puts it, it’s time to “put away childish things.” That means, we can’t act like children anymore. Ugh!
Can you think of any uptight moments you’ve had with your mate recently. Can you detect in your own attitude any of the above descriptions of childishness? I won’t ask you to think about the ones you noticed in your spouse because I’m sure you do.
Here are 5 simple ways for married adult couples to put away childish things:
1. Be aware that the husband will look at life though the eyes of a man, and the wife through the eyes of a woman.
Think this is too simple? Think again. Many arguments are due to the fact that the husband sees things unlike his wife does – and vise-versa. Learning each other's language and points of view will help develop a better marriage successfully.
2. Be humble in your approach to a discussion (I don’t like arguments), even if you’re right.
Take the back-seat approach. In other words, be humble and don't go for the jugular just to get your point across. You may notice something in your relationship you’ve never seen before and become much more skillful in the front seat.
3. Address unlikable issues in a loving and caring manner.
Do we need to expound on this one?
4. Remember, it takes two to make one.
And it takes two to make one home, one family, one love, one argument or one successful marriage.
5. Fight the one whose really against you – and it’s not your spouse – it’s the enemy of your soul.
Together, as one, attack him. Don’t let him attack your marriage relationship. Know when your marriage is under attack. If you’re in Christ, you’ve got the upper hand of authority – use it to your advantage, not to your demise.
Question: Can you add one or two more to this list to help many of us continue to grow in our marriage relationship? It could help someone – believe me.