5 tips to build your spouse around your peers
Are you quick to compliment your spouse in public? Or does your spouse feel like you’re quite critical of him/her in public?
Complimenting your spouse in public is not always an automatic reaction, unless that’s your personality.
To me it seems like it’s more of a learned skill. In fact, this is probably the most important skill your spouse needs from you in public.
In my 28 years of marriage and over 30 years of ministry experience I have witnessed more criticism from one spouse to the other than I’ve ever witnessed encouraging acts of compliment.
When a wife complements her husband it’s quite wonderful to see how proud she is of her knight and shining armor revealing her confidence in her man.
By the same token, when a husband compliments his wife, it’s quite admirable at how proud he is of his wife while demonstrating his confidence and joy in his marriage.
There's nothing quite like it, to see couples enhance their marriage by considering each other among their peers.
Have you ever had a “couple’s night out” or a “couples only party?”
These are just designed to build couples up or joke around with often innuendos or “R” rated jokes, or the like. It depends on the type of setting some of these are designed.
"When spouses complement each other in public, their marriage becomes stronger" - Alex Colon Click to Tweet
Have you ever been to one of those parties and watched someone play “Assassinate the Spouse?” I never have, but I’ve heard about it.
The objective, from what I understand, is simple: A contestant attempts to punish his wife by ridiculing her in front of their friends.
For example, if he wants to be especially vicious, he lets the friends know he thinks she is dumb and ugly.
It’s a brutal game with, really, no winners. The contest ends when his wife is totally stripped of self‐respect and dignity. He even gets bonus points if he can push her to tears.
Weird kind of game, I think. It’s even cruel when carried out under the guise of joking or teasing.
It’s never enjoyable to watch someone take out anger against his (or her) spouse in a destructive way.
In contrast, what a pleasure it is to spend time with couples who continually build each other up in front of others.
When a husband tells his guests about his wife’s incredible cooking, patience with the kids, or promotion at work.
Likewise, when the wife boasts about her husband’s talent on the job or his ability to speak in public or fix broken pipes - you’ll see the other spouse smile with greater confidence, filled with love.
One thing is to complement our spouse at home, but we’re always most sensitive when the comments are made in front of our peers.
The next time you’re out with friends, remember to look for opportunities to honor your spouse.
Many times I’ve found myself unconsciously talking about others’ successes or even my own. You know like when I beat the time or the system and saved tons of money by fixing the car or something in the house.
You know what I mean – just casual talk.
But often, my wife has to remind me that I even forgot to introduce her to my friends or my new acquaintances. Ouch!
I feel really bad after that. Yeah, I’ve done that a time or two. But her reminders helped realize that though I didn’t mean to ignore my wife in public, yet the sense of feeling ignored or rejected was still real to her.
Now, one of the first things I’ve learned to do, is introduce my wife immediately.
In addition, I’ve finally learned to compliment my wife in public. Actually, truth be known, I’m still learning.
Like I said earlier, this is a learned skill, not just something you automatically do.
So there are ways I’ve learned on how to complement my wife around my peers.
Here are 5 tips to build your spouse around your peers
1. Find the opportunity to share something she’s great at.
My wife is just a great wife – period. Beyond her cooking and cleaning skills, she’s also sensitive to my feelings and all four or our children.
She’s an amazing teacher, businesswoman, photographer, and a great friend to others, and best friend to me. So I can brag about her any time.
2. Ask your friends questions about their own spouse or family.
Ask about they're doing or something they’ve done together. You want to be genuine and real, but take this opportunity to complement your spouse to others about something he/she has done.
This goes a long ways. It encourages your friends and it builds your spouse.
3. Make your time with others about them and about your spouse, not about you.
In other words, let others know, especially your spouse, how important they are to you, as opposed to showing that you’re the most important character in the scene. Get my point?
4. As your spouse questions
Ask them questions like: How do you feel when I praise you in front of our friends? That way you know how much you should say.
The idea is to increase your spouse, not embarrass them. Some of us don’t care to feel uncomfortable even by our own heroic attempts. So know your spouse in public.
5. Discuss with your spouse the best ways you can build each other up in public.
At the same time, discover ways you have embarrassed each other up in public as well.
This will help you tweak your complemental skills of your spouse in public.
My wife and I have dealt with some of these questions at different times.
We love to discuss some of these over a cup of coffee – where we’re most relaxed and can let our brains be more creative and grow together a stronger marriage.
Input: In what ways have you encouraged or bragged about your spouse in public that could help us be more creative in building our spouse and thus strengthening our marriage? Share your comments below.